Rogue CNN Chapter 8: Collusion or not Collusion? That is the Question!
((Rogue CNN exists in a parallel universe to ours where a property developer and reality TV star gets elected President))
Wolf: We are about to go to hear from White House Press Secretary Michael Strauss but before we do that lets just talk to the panel we have here - Charles Krauthammer: Fox contributor who is trying out Rogue CNN tonight to see if he prefers a channel that speaks to the truth. Charles welcome.
Wolf: We are about to go to hear from White House Press Secretary Michael Strauss but before we do that lets just talk to the panel we have here - Charles Krauthammer: Fox contributor who is trying out Rogue CNN tonight to see if he prefers a channel that speaks to the truth. Charles welcome.
Charles: Thank you Wolf. I just want to underscore
what I said in my column I believe that the Russian scandal has entered a new
phase, and there's no going back. I have long been a skeptic of charges of
collusion between the Trump campaign and the Russian government, but "open
to empirical evidence."
With the revelation about emails between Donald Trump
Jr. and a business associate who helped arrange a meeting with a
Kremlin-connected lawyer, I have said that "evidence is now shown." This
is not hearsay, not fake news, not unsourced leaks this is an email chain
released by Donald Trump Jr. himself.
Wolf: another one of our panelists is Fox News host
Shepard Smith. You have been quite vocal about the approach to this and other
news coming out of the White House.
Smith: The
deception as I said to Chris Wallace, is mind-boggling...why are we getting
told all these lies? No one seems to be able to tell me a good answer. If
there's nothing there — and that's what they tell us. They tell us there's
nothing to this and nothing came of it, there's a nothing-burger, it wasn't
even memorable, didn't write it down, didn't tell you about it, because it
wasn't anything, so I didn't even remember it — with a Russian interpreter in
the room at Trump Tower? My grandmother used to say Oh, what a tangled web we
weave when first we practice to deceive. The deception, is mind-boggling
Wolf: We have to go to White House Press Room as White
House Press Secretary is about to speak. This should be interesting to see how
Strauss deals with this.
Strauss: As I knew that there would be a few Russian questions
I thought it would be nice to have joining us from the Kremlin by video link the
Soviet opps sorry… Russian Press Secretary Dmitry Peskov. Dimitry many of you
will remember from the G20…and in some cases will have no memory of as he drank
you all under the table…..the photos are available through Peskov’s office
through the Russian Interpreter Anatoli Samochornov who has some experience of working
with the Trump Administration too.
Rogue CNN: Dmitry, I just want to clear we get ALL the
photos? Id like to ask where the
President might like to take his holiday this year.
Strauss: Yes, all the photos!! Well that’s the kind of
questions we expect from the US press – no backbone and no ability to hold
their liquor.
Peskov: Of course we will give you all the photos. Do you not trust us??? President Putin has offered one of his 20 or so Dacca’s on the Black
Sea in the very small resort town known as Praskoveevka for the President to
use.
Rogue Washington Post: (looking around) It seems some of
my colleagues are compromised by what happened at the G20 but the Post will ask
the tough questions. Is it true that you are offering for a fee an updated list
of the characters in the Russian scandal?
Strauss: Well you guys don’t seem to be able to keep
up with who is who and who is linked to who and which Trump Tower was funded by
which Russian. Just a friendly service. I’ve taken on Sean Spicer to do the
research so he can at least pay rent before he goes before the Senate for
confirmation as the US’s next Ambassador to Ireland. Personally cant wait for
the confirmation process for Sean it should be a dozy!!!
Peskov: Id just like to say that any funding of any
Trump Tower was undertaken in an understanding that the President would help us
to reduce US sanctions. Remember the US sanctions stopped the development of
the wonderful Moscow Trump Tower. I had already put down a deposit on a flat so
the sooner we can get rid of them the sooner I can move in.
Moscow Today: Id just like to say this is my first
time here in the White House Press Room and it’s a pleasure to be welcomed here
by the Trump Administration.
Peskov: This is an example of where we can start to
build better relationships the more Russian media in the White House Press Room
the more we can take on Fake News.
Rogue Fox: Will Jared Kushner be letting Donald Trump
Jr. take the fall for the Russian Trump meeting?
Strauss: Someone has to take the fall. It can’t be the
President and as you may have noticed that we have distanced the President from
this meeting. I mean a far as we can do considering it was held in his tower
and had at the meeting his son, son-in-law, campaign manager and people like
Ike Kaveladze's a senior vice president
at Crocus Group, the real estate development company run by Azerbaijani-Russian
oligarch Aras Agalarov associated with the Miss Universe Competition held in
Russia. Of course we have a backup strategy of pardoning all of the family - but who wouldn't!!!
Peskov: I cannot keep track of every Russian lawyer
and their meetings domestically or abroad without checking with Ambassador Sergey
Ivanovich Kislyak. Ill get back to you when I’ve seen the files.
Rogue Reuters: Turning to the health care debate. It
seems with four or more Republican Senators are opposed to repealing Obamacare
is health care reform dead?
Strauss: Ahhh we completely fxxxxx that up. I told the
President it wouldn’t work to go down the path of letting the Republicans do it
on their own. I mean some of them are just mad. How they ever got elected is
beyond me. I have said to him that I told him so …it gets very grumpy when I
point that out and often sulks. But now we need to look at Obamacare and
correct the problems. There is a majority in the Senate and Congress to sort
out the problems.
Rogue AP: Is there a chance that the President could
be persuade to not do anything for a week so we might get a holiday and be able
to recharge our batteries?
Strauss: hahaha – you think you have it bad!! I’m
working for the President and I haven’t slept in the 4 months I’ve had this
job.
Wolf: we have the chance for a comment from Anderson
on the Panel before we go to advert break.
Anderson: The rumor is that Strauss is writing a book
in the genres of gonzo journalism …it will be fascinating to see what he has to
say. Remember his mentor is Dr Hunter Thompson. He must be reflecting on the
Dr’s. quote daily:
“There is no such thing as paranoia. Your worst fears can come true at any moment.”
“There is no such thing as paranoia. Your worst fears can come true at any moment.”
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