Rogue CNN Chapter 5: White House Secretary goes Rogue

  ((Rogue CNN exists in a parallel universe to ours where a property developer and reality TV star gets elected President))
Wolf: "In a bizarre turn of events that is even by President Trumps White House ‘bizarre’, Michael Strauss White House Press Secretary exposed the rift in the President’s team by joining the March for Truth Demonstration while at Mar-a-Largo
We have our Panel with us to discuss this. David Gergen a senior political analyst for CNN who has served as an adviser to four U.S. presidents. Anderson Cooper host of Anderson 360, the clone Van Jones the second and Kayleigh McEnany a CNN contributor. David Gergen what is your reaction to Strauss’s actions."
Gergen:Strauss is a well-known advocate for the 'Paris Climate Agreement' he has been to UNFCCC meetings and organized press conferences on the subject. Before Christmas, he was even a co-author of a comic on the subject “Santa’s Green Christmas: Father Christmas Battles Climate Change” which he produced for Barron and the President so they could read it to each other. And so the President might better understand the impacts of climate change.
Strauss was also the coordinator in the White House for the pro-Paris group of Tillerson, Perry, Jared and Ivanka. Strauss according to an undisclosed source has now declared war on Bannon who he blames for the Trump Climate policy.”
Anderson: “Right after the announcement of withdrawal from the Paris Agreement the White House Correspondents went back to their rooms to find a gift on their desks. A Rosie McDonnell action doll made up to look like Bannon. Also erected in the corner of the White House Press Room was a life-size model of the Saturday Night Live ‘Grim Ripper’
Here is a clip from the last Press conference:
Rogue Fox News: “Don’t you think this is going over the top to show your disagreement with the President?”
Strauss: “Over the top!!!!  YOU are kidding me, aren’t you?
If you guys had not peddled the crap about no science and the negative impact on American jobs then we wouldn’t be in the place we are. There are 3,384,834 Americans directly employed by the clean energy industry. Do you know how many are employed in the coal industry? DO you? (Rogue Fox News reporter shakes his head) 76,000!!! There are double the people employed by cash wash firms 150,000.

Let me tell you I have tried to delete Fox News from the Presidents TV access but Bannon has stolen the remote control and I can’t find it.”
Rogue CNN: “What else have you done to try and persuade the President about Climate Change?”
Strauss: “I pleaded with you guys and the other sensible Networks to get more attractive women on the Panel shows.Did you listen to me? Did you?!! We know when that happens he watches that channel much much more if there are attractive women on it.
Don’t be surprised to see him watching NBC when Megyn Kelly starts her show. Brilliant decision by the Executives at NBC. They may have got Conan O’Brien wrong but Kelly…brilliant.”
Rogue Washington Post: “I am sorry to ask this question but with your opposition to the President’s decision why are you still here?”
Strauss: “Do you want Spicy back?”

White House correspondents all together: NOOOOOOO!!!”
Strauss: “Well some of you should have him at your place for a few weeks I’ve done my turn having him on the couch. I put a list up for you to choose a week or two and NONE of you have put your names on it. Guys this isnt good.
Returning to the question. Someone has to stand up for the sensible policies. Ivanka and Jared just don’t have the backbone for the ‘in the gutter’ politics you have to have with Bannon. The President recognizes this and as he doesn’t like one center of power – unless it's him – keeping me means he gets it in his face when I think he is wrong. No one else has the balls to it!”
Rogue New York Times: “Is it true you briefed Macron on how to do the handshake with the President?”
Strauss: “It’s true I spoke with President Macron about his election and how to ensure a good relationship with the USA and let’s leave it at that.”
Rogue New York Times: “Soooo it's true? And we have it on good background that you have continued to advise him and Merkel…those words… “Wherever we live, wherever we are, we all share the same responsibility: Make our planet great again.” They are 'Straussian'... they are yours, aren’t they?”
Strauss: “If I was going to come up with a slogan it would be better than that!!Something like 'Make Earth great again'. not 'Make our Planet' great again. Get real!!! Really??? ”
Rogue CNN: “So is this now outright war between you and Bannon?”
Strauss: “Let’s put it this way by Christmas only one of us will still be here and I think you know who that will be.”

Back in the Studio:
Wolf:Van what do you make of this?”
Van Jones the second: “I just think everyone should love the President and not get angry with each other. He is a very sensitive man and if he believes that the Climate Change agreement is wrong then we must support him. Ведь он президент! Opps sorry, I meant after all he is the President.”
Wolf:…hmmmmm Van I’m a little worried about you haven’t been all there since we rebuilt you – if I was a suspicious man I would have to suspect some hacking was done. What is that label on your jacket?
Final word to Kayleigh.”
Kayleigh: “Look I was convinced by Jarad and Ivanka that we needed to stay in the Paris Agreement. Strauss is standing up for the right policy as were Tillerson and Perry Pruitt is an idiot and should go back to Oklahoma where due to climate change rainfall has become more unpredictable, swinging back and forth between extreme drought.”
Wolf:  …."Kayleigh are you all right? Well, that’s a wrap for another exhausting day reporting the Trump White House….or should we now be calling it the Bannon White House?”
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4


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